When I am feeling stressed to the MAX, I curl up into a little ball inside my mushy brain and wait for the heart palpitations to pass. I suppose I retreat inside myself because it is not as obvious as hiding under the pile of dirty laundry in my closet. When I live in my head, I look present, but I'm not. I hear you, but I'm not listening. The light is on, but no one is home. I don't necessarily find comfort in the looping and random thoughts that pulse through my brain like a laser light show- but it's what I know. The absurd scenarios I play out in my mind only add to the stress I feel, but again- it's what I know. Maybe retreating inside myself allows me the opportunity to jump into the ring with ME and beat the mess out of myself. Then when I'm all tired out, I can crawl out of the ring- a winner no matter what because whoever wins, it will always be me. But then again, I guess there will always be a ME that loses. Needless to say, I've been in the ring. The last round was fierce, but I came out swinging. No longer am I curled up into a little ball inside my mushy brain. I am PRESENT! The mind is a terrible thing to waste, and it is also a terrible place hide.