War

Anyone who suffers from depression knows, sometimes you don't realize you're in it until you're in it. I'm not in it.  I checked.  Once a month I conduct an emotional examination while stopped at the red light on 2nd Street.  If I punch the gas pedal when the light turns green, I'm not depressed.  If I hesitate before taking that left turn which leads me to work, depressed.  Not scientific and not definitive, but a very good indicator.  If a tear forms in the corner of my right eye during that brief hesitation before turning left- it is conclusive, depressed.  I've had a good year.  Far fewer left turn hesitations and no tears in the corner of my right eye.  Bad days are just bad days, not bad months.  I give credit to the meds, but I also give myself credit.  I no longer fear my illness.  I don't hunker down and wait for the bombs to go off.  When the enemy is in sight, I refer to my battle plan, and so far I'm winning. 

2 comments:

Debbie said...

Wow Katie this really hits home.When you are going through it you think you are the only one.Thanks for sharing this.

Mike said...

Yes, it's brave to be candid like this. I've known people grappling with the same things; it doesn't matter what kind of happiness is right in front of you, the disease can just get in the way. It's great that you've found meds that work for you and that you can now forget about that piece of you.